Having a child is the most selfish thing you can do. Raising a child is the most selfless. I thought a lot about becoming a parent. I had plenty of time to. I lost twins when I was 28, another baby at 29, and finally had my precious beautiful little girl when I was 31. […]
My daughter came to me this morning and told me superheroes aren’t real. That doesn’t sound so bad but less than 9 months ago, before she started school, she wanted to be Batman when she grew up. Firstly she came home and told me she couldn’t be Batman because she was a girl, which upset […]
Something amazing has just happened to me. I have been feeling really shit lately. Too many reasons to go into here, but as I sink deeper into the pit, everything starts to become a struggle. I was walking down the street this morning and was stopped by a man. He looked untidy. Probably homeless I […]
I am very similar to a teenager. To know my mood, all you have to do is listen to the music I am playing. Linkin Park if I am angry. Lionel Richie if I am sad. 90s dance if I want to get motivated. Motown if I want to fall in love. When I lost […]
I have already confessed my anxiety to this blog. I suffer from what has recently been described as high-performing or high-functioning anxiety. The more I feel I am losing control of the world around me, the more anxious I am, the more desperately I struggle to regain control. Often I can’t and so it can […]
Yesterday I gave a talk at a Mental Health Awareness event about my own mental wellness journey. I started by telling my audience, many of whom were business colleagues, that I would be talking about the thing I don’t talk about. My darkness. I hope I didn’t come across as having delusions of grandeur when […]
I have been thinking a lot about this recently. How hard the first step is for those around me to take. Is it because, like Martin Luther King predicted, we want to see the whole staircase? I take a lot of first steps. I seem to be good at doing it. And then I grow […]
I wrote on this blog previously about music and the effect it has on my mood. And how I have started a ‘three sad song’ rule in order to bring myself out of the darkness even though it jars to play a song that doesn’t fit with the angst inside. Yesterday I had a similar […]
I feel like a turmoil of emotions inside this week and I’m struggling to understand where they are all coming from and how to process them. Some are easier to recognise than others. After three weeks of blissful summer holiday fun, my daughter is with her Dad for 9 days. We have literally been inseparable […]
I have a recurring dream. It’s a nightmare really. I am always in the same house. It is a house I know but unlike any I have ever actually lived in. The house is huge and navigation between rooms is difficult. Staircases have been positioned haphazardly and there is no central corridor so many of […]