Censored

,
I struggle with my command of our oral language when it really matters. As an English Literature graduate I could write all day about my feelings, but when it comes to speaking about them I am reduced to drivel. What I say very often won't…

Conquering Your Fears

,
I am frightened of a lot of things. I have got much worse as I have got older and especially since having my daughter. I am fearful not fearless. I cannot cope with hearing about bad things happening in the world. I don't watch the news…

All She Needs

,
Having a child is the most selfish thing you can do. Raising a child is the most selfless. I thought a lot about becoming a parent. I had plenty of time to. I lost twins when I was 28, another baby at 29, and finally had my…

Superheroes are Real

,
My daughter came to me this morning and told me superheroes aren't real. That doesn't sound so bad but less than 9 months ago, before she started school, she wanted to be Batman when she grew up. Firstly she came home and told me she couldn't…

Being Grateful

,
Something amazing has just happened to me. I have been feeling really shit lately. Too many reasons to go into here, but as I sink deeper into the pit, everything starts to become a struggle. I was walking down the street this morning and…

When Music Hits, You Feel No Pain

,
I am very similar to a teenager. To know my mood, all you have to do is listen to the music I am playing. Linkin Park if I am angry. Lionel Richie if I am sad. 90s dance if I want to get motivated. Motown if I want to fall in love. When…

Managing Anxiety

,
I have already confessed my anxiety to this blog. I suffer from what has recently been described as high-performing or high-functioning anxiety. The more I feel I am losing control of the world around me, the more anxious I am, the more…

Embracing the Darkness

,
Yesterday I gave a talk at a Mental Health Awareness event about my own mental wellness journey. I started by telling my audience, many of whom were business colleagues, that I would be talking about the thing I don't talk about. My darkness.…

The First Step

,
I have been thinking a lot about this recently. How hard the first step is for those around me to take. Is it because, like Martin Luther King predicted, we want to see the whole staircase? I take a lot of first steps. I seem to be good at…

Living!

,
I wrote on this blog previously about music and the effect it has on my mood. And how I have started a 'three sad song' rule in order to bring myself out of the darkness even though it jars to play a song that doesn't fit with the angst…