I’m an English Literature graduate. I’m soon to be a published author. I am a woman who loves words. But I have been on a journey of re-education recently. It began probably a year ago when I came to the realisation that it was not the words but the intention that really mattered. And over the past couple of months I have really seen that realisation play out in practice.
I am lying in bed as I write this looking at the face of my sleeping daughter. I cannot put into words what the image before me does to my heart. I could take a photograph but it will not capture everything contained in this moment. The sound of her breathing, the smell of her hair, the warmth of her skin.
And this moment is made all the more special by its location in time. We are on holiday. It is the fifth day and the first I have awoken not in excruciating pain. As we settled down to sleep last night I held my little girl as she cried. She cried for her animals that have died. For the brothers and sister she will never know. For all those whom have been loved and lost. I realised that despite seeming like she was having a wonderful holiday still with my brother, seeing and knowing I was in pain still took its toll.
In fact last night when everyone came home and I was up, dressed, and had eaten; the relief was so strong it was visible. On faces. In bodies. No one said ‘I am glad you feel better’. Because words were not needed. As Depeche Mode rather ironically sung ‘words are very unnecessary’.
That lyric concludes that words can only do harm. I do see that. I have felt it. And the greatest harm is when the words that hurt come from the mouth of the one you love. But that is when now I have been stopping and thinking. I have been asking myself to look behind the words. I have been seeking the intention.
Most of all, I have been learning to Enjoy the Silence. If you don’t know the song, give it a listen …